I hope it was worth it

Lyrics

[Intro-spoken] Can you die from a broken heart? ‘Cause I don’t understand How there’s still tears left to cry [Verse 1-slow rap] Seven years Half of them fiction I was building us a home You were feeding an addiction I was raising your babies You were raising suspicion I was begging for connection You were busy with distractions Three and a half years Not a slip, not a phase That’s a thousand fucking mornings You could’ve walked away A thousand nights beside me With your secrets tucked in tight You kissed me in the morning Then went back to living twice And now you wanna tell me That you’re brokenhearted too? How the fuck’s your heart broken When the breaking came from you? [Pre-Chorus-spoken bitter] You said you loved her And you loved me? How convenient [Chorus] I hope it was worth it I hope it was worth it Three and a half years Tell me, was she fucking worth it? I hope it was worth it Now that you’ve lost it You had a whole damn life And you chose to double-cross it Don’t tell me you’re hurting Don’t tell me you’re learning You watched our whole world burning While you kept the other turning I hope it was worth it I hope it was worth it [Verse 2-faster] I asked myself a question Couldn’t sleep the other night Would it hurt more if you died Or knowing half our relationship was lies? And that’s a fucked-up thought But here’s the fucked-up truth I’d rather grieve a man I lost Than grieve the man I never knew ‘Cause death don’t sit beside you And pretend that nothing’s wrong Death don’t tell you that it loves you While it’s loving someone all along Now I’m mourning all the memories The photographs, the years Even happiness feels dirty When I look at it through tears And you took my intuition Made me question what I knew Turns out my gut was always right My heart just wanted you [Chorus-forceful] I hope it was worth it I hope it was worth it All those years behind my back Tell me, was she fucking worth it? I hope it was worth it Now that you’ve lost it You had a whole damn life And you chose to double-cross it [Verse 3-cold delivery] And here’s the part that kills me That I can’t fucking shake You made me a mother Then you stole the joy away While I was up with crying babies Running empty, running thin You had somewhere else to run to Someone else to let you in I needed you beside me I needed you to care I needed you to notice I was drowning over there But you had time for someone else Had energy to spare Funny how you found it all When I wasn’t fucking there Now you’re out there playing super dad Smiling for the crowd Same father, same old story Just a little more proud But who’s there when you’re gone Who’s holding them at night? Who’s swallowing her heartbreak Just to make their little world feel right? You say you’re still the same dad Well, isn’t that a shame? ’Cause the mother of your children Will never be the same If you harm the tree You harm the fruits [Bridge-whispered no drums] I walk around this house And I don’t feel at home Every room has got a memory I wish I’d never known You brought her into my safe place Into the life that we had made Now even on my own sofa I can feel what you betrayed You didn’t just break my heart You poisoned where it healed And now you want me to fight for us ‘Cause you’re finally ready to? [Verse 4-hard beat] Grow a fucking backbone Own the shit you did Stop hiding like a coward From the life you fucking lived You had the balls to do it Had the time to keep it clean Now suddenly you’re speechless When I ask you what it means? You don’t get a medal For admitting what I found You don’t get forgiveness Just for finally breaking down Your guilt ain’t my responsibility Your tears ain’t my concern You had every chance to stop And now it’s your fucking turn To sit with what you ruined To live with what you chose To look at your reflection And see the man nobody knows [Final Chorus-angry fading] I hope it was worth it I hope it was worth it All those years you stole from me Tell me, was she fucking worth it? I hope it was worth it Now that you’ve lost it Don’t come looking for my heart When you’re the one who fucking tossed it I hope it was worth it I hope it was worth it Was it worth the lies? Was it worth the years? Was it worth the woman Who was drowning in her tears? I hope it was worth it I hope it was worth it [Outro-spoken exhausted] You say you needed this to happen To realize what you had No You didn’t suddenly discover my worth You just finally understood What it would cost you To lose me There’s a difference I spent all that time Living in a lie I didn’t choose I won’t spend another three and a half Waiting for you to become A man I can trust And the cruelest part? I’m not just grieving you I’m grieving the marriage I thought I had The man I thought I knew And the woman I was Before I knew the truth [Final refrain-whispered] I hope it was worth it I hope it was worth it All that we had All that you cost us I hope it was worth it