The Babysitter Is a Vampire

Lyrics

[Verse 1] Mom left a note beside the pie “Be good, be brave, be home by nine” She smiled too wide when she came in With cold white hands and a borrowed grin She asked if I had any garlic bread Then stared at the pulse in my neck instead I called my friends from the upstairs phone They said, “You’re scared ’cause you’re home alone” [Pre-Chorus] But I saw her in the hallway glass No reflection when she walked right past Now the front door’s locked, the clock says ten And she’s asking if I want seconds again [Chorus] No one believes me that the babysitter is a vampire She’s got my mom’s old cardigan and fangs like silver wire She says, “Go brush your teeth,” then she floats up the stairs No one believes me, but she’s definitely there No one believes me that the babysitter is a vampire She put the pie in the fridge and the fridge caught fire I’m not making it up, I swear it’s true She’s watching the doorway—and she’s watching you [Verse 2] I tried to text, but she took my phone Said, “Your friends are busy, dear, go on home” She hummed a lullaby, low and sweet While tap-dancing softly with bare cold feet I tossed her a necklace of plastic beads She hissed at the sparkle and ducked with speed Then she asked if I’d seen her cape Like I’d help her pick out a date-night shape [Pre-Chorus] There’s a bat in the pantry, a bat in the den She keeps saying, “We should do this again” My parents pull in, I hear the car I yell through the window, “Don’t come in—” [Chorus] No one believes me that the babysitter is a vampire She’s got my mom’s old cardigan and fangs like silver wire She says, “Go brush your teeth,” then she floats up the stairs No one believes me, but she’s definitely there No one believes me that the babysitter is a vampire She put the pie in the fridge and the fridge caught fire I’m not making it up, I swear it’s true She’s watching the doorway—and she’s watching you [Bridge] Mom says, “Honey, she’s just tired” Dad says, “Maybe you’re inspired” Then she leans in, smiles at me And shows them both her family tree There’s a portrait by the stairs Same pale face, same silver hair Dad drops his keys, Mom drops her purse The babysitter says, “Who’s hungry first?” [Final Chorus] Now everybody believes me: the babysitter’s a vampire She’s got my mom’s old cardigan and fangs like silver wire She says, “You’re all so jumpy,” then she floats up the stairs Everybody believes me—she is definitely there No one is inviting her to stay the entire night here But she packed up the pie and disappeared in a flare I told you the truth, I swear it’s true She’s gone through the window—and she waved at you [Outro] No one believes me Till they see her too That babysitter’s a vampire And she knows where you live, too