Stupid O' Clock

Lyrics

[Intro – Spoken, deep gravelly voice] "Five days a week I can't get out of bed... Two days off, I can't bloody stay in it! Somebody explain that one to me..." [Verse 1] It's five in the morning, my eyes open wide, The alarm's still an hour away, I roll myself over, pull the blankets up tight, But my brain's got a whole lot to say. I count a few sheep, then a hundred or more, Try dreaming of somewhere serene, But my bladder pipes up from somewhere below, "Get up, mate! You know what I mean!" [Verse 2] I tell myself, "No, I've an hour to go," And snuggle back into my bed, But a voice from my bladder says, "No, you're not!" "There's a toilet needs visiting instead!" I stumble along in the cold morning air, With my eyes barely open to see, Then crawl back to bed with a satisfied sigh, And discover it's now half past five! [Chorus] Oh, stupid-o-clock, here we go again, Fighting with the morning like a battle I can't win! Three goddamn alarms, fifteen minutes apart, And I hate every one from the depths of my heart! I just want an hour, maybe two if I'm blessed, But the working man is wicked, the wicked get no rest! Oh, stupid-o-clock, I hate you, don't let my bladder strain, but I'll guarantee tomorrow, we'll do it all again! [Verse 3] The first alarm rings, Then bury my head out of sight, The second one dings, I swear at the thing, "I'm not getting up, not without a fight!" The third one goes off like a fire alarm, And I'm cursing the damn phone as i hit it with an arm, I crawl from the bed like a half-dead old man, With one eye closed, a runny nose, it's time to face the dawn! [Verse 4] I stagger downstairs for a coffee or two, With a face like a bulldog in pain, My boots feel like lead and my body's half dead, And I'm longing for my bed once again. I climb in the car and I turn up the heat, With a yawn that could swallow a train, And all of a sudden, now it's time to go to work, I could sleep for a fortnight again! [Chorus] Oh, stupid-o-clock, here we go again, Fighting with the morning like a battle I can't win! Three goddamn alarms, fifteen minutes apart, And I hate every one from the depths of my heart! I just want an hour, maybe two if I'm blessed, But the working man is wicked, the wicked get no rest! Oh, stupid-o-clock, I hate you, don't let my bladder strain, but I'll guarantee tomorrow, we'll do it all again! [Bridge – Slower, spoken with sarcastic humour] "Now here's the bit I don't understand... Monday to Friday, getting up's a real nightmare. But Saturday morning? No alarm... No work... No reason on God's green earth to get up..." [Pause] "AND I'M WIDE AWAKE AT FIVE!" [Verse 5] It's Saturday morning, no reason to rise, No boss and no alarm clock to obey, But my eyes spring open wide at stupid-o-clock, On the only goddamn mornings I could stay! I toss and I turn, but there's no going back, So I lie there and stare at the wall, Then Sunday arrives and the same thing occurs, It's the cruellest goddamn joke of em' all! [Final Chorus – Faster, full band] Oh, stupid-o-clock, here we go again, Fighting with the morning like a battle I can't win! Three goddamn alarms, fifteen minutes apart, And I hate every one from the depths of my heart! I just want an hour, maybe two if I'm blessed, But the working man is wicked, the wicked get no rest! Oh, stupid-o-clock, I hate you, don't let my bladder strain, but I'll guarantee tomorrow, we'll do it all again! [Outro – harmonica and banjo][End]