Lyrics

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{Verse 1 – Funky Groove, Mild Panic}

{Bass groove, light drums, playful funky rhythm starts}

🎶 When I moved in, I had a duffel bag...
A couple flannels, some jeans, not bad.
She had boxes labeled "Skincare - Face,"
"Body - Summer," and " Lingerie - Lace." 🎶 (Wait, what?)

🎶 The shower had one bottle, maybe two,
Conditioner? Shampoo? That’s all I do!
But hers looks like a whole damn store...
Do we own a spa now?! What is all this for?! 🎶

{Music pauses, comedic beat}

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[Chorus – Big, Dramatic, Overwhelmed]

[Full band kicks in – dramatic funky groove, exaggerated vocal energy]

🎶 Why is there SO MUCH STUFF?!
How do you need this much STUFF?!
Babe, I love ya, but good LORD above ya—
HOW MANY BODY SPRAYS IS ENOUGH?! 🎶 [Gags from the overpowering floral mist in the air.]


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[Verse 2 – Laundry Confusion]

[Funky bass continues, light drum shuffle, playful frustration in delivery]

Folding clothes should be easy as hell
But somehow your closet’s shaped like a spell?!
These shirts? Cropped. This dress? Wrapped.
These pants? Wait— they don’t even have a back?! (What the hell?)

My shirts are rectangles, plain and fine.
Yours come in seventeen different kinds!
Babe, I love you, but please explain—
How does a skirt turn into a cape?!

[Music pauses for comedic timing as she stares at a pile of confusing clothes.]
[A loose bra strap whips her in the face.]


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[Chorus – Funky, Desperate, and Defeated]

[Chorus returns, slightly bigger instrumentation, backing vocals echoing “STUFF! STUFF!”]

Why is there SO MUCH STUFF?!
How do you need this much STUFF?!
I wear a hoodie, she’s got options galore—
What do you mean that’s last season’s couture?! (I don’t even know what that means!)


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[Bridge – Make-Up Chaos]

[Music slows slightly, bass gets groovier, spoken-word build-up into chaos]

🎶 Babe, your makeup is all over the sink...
I got a toothbrush and maybe some zinc.
But this is powders, bottles, and dust—
Which one’s blush, and which one’s rust?! 🎶

🎶 I hand her an eyeshadow, she rolls her eyes...
"That’s blush." OH, OKAY, SURE, I TRIED.
I just nod and hand her war paint instead...
Wait—why does this spray set what’s already on your head?! 🎶 (Seriously, why?)

[Beat drops dramatically]


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[Final Chorus – Full Acceptance, But Still Confused, even bigger energy, slight key change for maximum exasperation]

🎶 Why is there SO MUCH STUFF?!
How do you need this much STUFF?!
I don’t get it, I never will—
But, babe, you’re hot, so fine, go fill
Every damn drawer, every inch of space...
Just don’t touch my side—I need ONE place. 🎶 (Please.)

[Music fades out]