You A Real Bitch John

Outlaw country comedy roast, 106 BPM, steady boom-chicka-boom train rhythm with a slight swing. Deep, gravelly male baritone, dry sarcasm, conversational storytelling, audible smirk. Twangy electric guitar, muted acoustic strumming, upright bass, crisp snare, occasional honky-tonk piano fills. Warm vintage production with clear, upfront vocals. Spoken-sung verses flow into a catchy melodic chorus. Confident, amused, and cutting. Short guitar responses after punchlines. Sparse spoken bridge, full-band final chorus, deadpan spoken outro, sharp final guitar sting. Explicit lyrics, uncensored.

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Lyrics

You a Bitch, John [Country stomp, twangy guitar, spoken verses] [Verse 1] John walked in, big chest puffed out, Whole lotta words, don’t know what he’s talkin’ about. I said, “I call it like I see it, buddy, that’s my thing.” Then the truth walked in when I started to sing. Got a great big torso but a weak little spine, Says, “Don’t involve me,” then he crosses the line. You can polish them boots till the daylight’s gone, But they’re walkin’ backward ’fore the heat’s even on. [Chorus] You a bitch, John, bless your oversized heart, Three hundred plus horsepower, still won’t start. Full of hot air, barkin’ from behind your fence, Then you play confused when it’s time to make sense. You a bitch, John, go on, sing along, If the boot don’t fit, why you hate this song? [Verse 2] You’re a heavyweight champ, and that ain’t no lie, At talkin’ out your ass, what a hell of a guy. Throwin’ big opinions in a little-bitty town, Got a whole lot to say till I come around. But face to face, now you’re Switzerland, “Whoa, let’s settle down, I’m a peaceful man.” You can hold your beer, you can hold a grudge, But holdin’ to the truth takes a little too much. Bought a belt buckle bigger than a dinner plate, Just to hold back all that dinner you ate. [Chorus] You a bitch, John, bless your oversized heart, Three hundred plus horsepower, still won’t start. Full of hot air, barkin’ from behind your fence, Then you play confused when it’s time to make sense. You a bitch, John, go on, sing along, If the boot don’t fit, why you hate this song? [Spoken bridge] Now, John… Nobody asked you to wrestle a bear. Just tell the damn truth, And we’ll call it square. [Final chorus] You a bitch, John, drop the pretense, Could’ve minded your own mismanaged business, Instead of pretendin’ you’re stuck on the fence. You picked your side, now it all makes sense. You a bitch, John, come on, sing along, Just four little words and a country song. [Spoken outro] That’s John with an H… Or Jon without. Either way, You know who I’m talking about.

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