Chewman 2

Euro-disco, deep booming male narration in the verses opening into bright, soaring multi-tracked pop choruses; rapid nonstop 4/4 dance pulse; thickly layered late-1970s production with grand cinematic build-ups; relentless disco bass and driving kick, hyper-speed balalaika hook, kazoo flourishes, rhythmic stadium handclaps, crowd chants, sweeping orchestral strings, and instrumental breaks.

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Lyrics

[0:00 - 0:10] Intro Instrumental (Rapid balalaika hook / hyper-speed kazoo starts) (Four heavy bass kicks enter) (Handclaps begin on every beat: Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!) [0:10 - 0:33] Verse 1 There lived a certain man in Van Alsteen long ago He was old and stupid and his eyes would barely work Most people looked at him with a terror and a fear But to his dear missing toes he was a lovely dear He could drink cream soda down just like a heavy drunkard People said he lacked a brain and always was a sluggard [0:33 - 0:40] Pre-Chorus But he was also the kind of teacher No one would desire [0:40 - 1:03] Chorus Che-che-chewyman, hated by humanity Yes, his five toes really were gone Che-che-chewyman, salinas greatest turd machine It’s a shame that he’s still employed! [1:03 - 1:23] Instrumental Break (Upbeat dance groove) (Crowd chanting enters: HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!) [1:23 - 1:46] Verse 2 But when his lazy ways and his absolute mistakes Soon became too obvious for anyone to take The public loud demands to replace this awful man Grew so loud they echoed all across the local land "This lazy guy has got to go!" declared his angry coworkers And the supervisors begged, "please just do it now* [1:46 - 2:06] Instrumental Build-Up (Music drops out to just the bassline, heavy handclaps, and crowd rhythm) (Crowd chanting: HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!) No doubt this Chewyman had no hidden, special charms Though he was so stupid, they just fell into his arms! [2:06 - 2:13] Pre-Chorus Then one night some men of higher standing Set a trap, they're not to blame [2:13 - 2:24] Bridge "Come get some marshmallows and cream soda!" they kept demanding (Music stops suddenly for one beat) And he really came! [2:24 - 3:00] Final Chorus & Outro Che-che-chewyman, hated by humanity They put sugar in his A&W! Che-che-chewyman, salina’s greatest turd machine He drank it all and said, "I feel fine!" Che-che-chewyman, hated by humanity They didn't quit, they wanted his head! Che-che-chewyman, hated by humanity And so they shot him till he was dead! [3:00 - 3:20] Outro Instrumental (Big final crowd chant: HEY!) (Music fades out abruptly on a final, dramatic synth crash)

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