Ben's Pum Pum Mask

Hilarious adults-only reggae comedy advertisement featuring Ben, a cheeky, charismatic, shameless male beauty salesman promoting ridiculous Pum Pum Masks. Authentic old-school Jamaican roots reggae and playful dancehall, deep bouncing basslines, offbeat skank guitar, warm organ, melodica, tropical percussion, punchy brass and laid-back reggae drums. 94 BPM. Smooth, mischievous male lead vocal with expressive Jamaican reggae phrasing, comedic spoken sales pitches, rhythmic singing, cheeky laughter and exaggerated enthusiasm. Start with a slow seductive spoken introduction before dropping into an infectious reggae groove. Extremely catchy repetitive PUM PUM MASK chorus sung by playful female backing vocalists. Funny call-and-response, dub echoes, record scratches, dramatic pauses and outrageous adult humour. Build towards a chaotic reggae advert finale with booming bass, brass stabs and shouted slogans. Clear English lyrics, theatrical storytelling, professional sound. Not rap, rock, pop

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Lyrics

Ooooooh yeahhhh… Ladies, ladies, gather round… Ben's got a miracle coming to town… You got a problem with your downstairs complexion? Ben's got a very special collection… Hahahaha! BEN'S PUM PUM MASK! Menopause come and the colours might change, Ben's got a product completely deranged! You want it lighter? You want it bright? Ben says your pum pum can glow in the night! Straight from a factory, nobody knows where, With coconut extract and a questionable prayer! Rub-a-dub-dub, don't ask what's inside, Ben's got a suitcase of products to provide! PUM PUM MASK! PUM PUM MASK! Lighten up your minge, that's all we ask! PUM PUM MASK! PUM PUM MASK! What's in the packet? DON'T YOU ASK! From dark chocolate to vanilla cream, Ben's selling women the ultimate dream! PUM PUM MASK! PUM PUM MASK! Ben's getting rich off your ageing arse! Ooooooh, sweet pum pum… Ben's got a cleanser, Ben's got a wipe, Ben's got a cream for every possible type! One for your wrinkles, one for your crack, One for the bush and one for the back! Introducing Ben's Jamaican Fanny Mist, A product no scientist would ever insist! Made with moon dust and a goat's left tear, Guaranteed to make your ex disappear! And his brand-new Minge Rejuvenation Gel, Smells like coconuts and a cheap hotel! Three drops of nonsense, a magical spell, What's actually in it? BEN WON'T TELL! PUM PUM MASK! PUM PUM MASK! A little bit of magic for your hairy old flask! PUM PUM MASK! PUM PUM MASK! Fifty quid a box and Ben takes cash! The factory says it's medically tested, The factory manager's just been arrested! But Ben don't care, he's got big dreams, Selling dodgy wipes and vaginal creams! Oooooooh baby… All colours are beautiful, all colours are fine, But Ben wants your money by a quarter past nine! He'll sell you the moon, he'll sell you the stars, He'll sell you a mask for your flappy old parts! PUM PUM MASK! PUM PUM MASK! Ben's got a cure for things nobody asked! PUM PUM MASK! PUM PUM MASK! The dodgiest business in the beauty class! No refunds, no science, no guarantee, Just a suspicious parcel arriving from overseas! Ooooooh yeahhhh… BEN'S PUM PUM MASK! Your fanny's not faulty… But Ben's getting wealthy! Hahahahahaha! PUM PUM MAAAAAASK! No refunds, darling… NO REFUNDS!

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